But we've come a long way out of the rain...

my god it's been like twelve years...

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 02:16:29 GMT

my life over the past year has been absolutely astonishing. i never thought i'd experience the wonderful life-changing things i did. and continue to experience... although lately it's been more of the harsh learning experiences rather than the beautiful ones i encountered before. that said, i must say i'm a completely different person than i was last november but exactly the same all at once which is quite impossible to describe. i have lost a boy that i truly loved with every fiber of my being. he made me feel more beautiful and more alive than anyone ever has. he showed me what life was really about, and that i could be loved so deeply and purely in return as well. although it didn't work out, i believe in my heart that he did love me just as much as i loved him, and that i made an impact in his life. god knows mine hasn't been the same since we've broken up. i believe that i will love again... although that's hardly something i want to think about at this juncture in time.

all my best friends moved away from me. (moni, cgao, xtina, alicia, even andrew smith...) but i've gained new ones in the abyss they left me in. hahaha. lauren and aprie and zack and bailey have seriously saved my life cause if you know me at all, you know that i almost died this summer. as i live and breathe, i survived. who knew?

it's been awhile...

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 03:05:28 GMT

i am content. for once in my life i feel at peace and happy. thank fucking god. i went and saw Dracula the ballet with Moni, Xtina, Cgao, and Ruthio last saturday. completely amazing. to tell an entire story without dialogue using only dance and music is so beautiful to me. i want to be a ballerina. and a psychiatrist. and an english professor. and an actress on broadway. can i achieve ANY of those things? probably not. we'll see how it goes. someone comment on my shit. it's been forever.

i miss the way you sing low...

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 12:36:05 GMT

allie i love you. the 3rd bridge haunted mansion again tonight. i want to scare the shit out of myself even more. poor zack.....we really should've gone after him but i was just so fucking scared..that was like the scariest thing i've ever seen ever. THE WHISTLING!!! jesus i crapped my pants. twice. terrifying. absolutely frightening.

anyways...

"your embrace is my air...take me for granted..." oh copeland. sigh.

TONIGHT BETTER ROCK ME. i know it will. i adore everyone i was with last night. and i better see bethanne before she leaves. or else the shit will hit the fan bitch.

the end. fin.

....

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 12:33:10 GMT

um what the fuck is my problem? i'm going to summer school now. like i do everyday. i'm slowly beginning to hate my life. oh well at least i get to go to california soon. sidenote: i'm releasing my death grip. i'm pretty sure only i know what that means and that's ok.

i've also decided that i must not be capable of more than just flings. which is fun and ok for now. but eventually i'd like to be worth more than that...OH FUCKING WELL.

someday i'll find it...the rainbow connection hahahaha. oh kermie.

"look at the stars look how they shine for you and everything you do...."

"miss corey do you have a husband?"

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 00:23:22 GMT

i love how the kids at my work think i'm 35.

tonight. we dance. i don't know what i'm doing tonight. but it's raining outside and i want someone to do something out of control romantic for me but alas no one will. so that's why i rely on monica who throws rocks at my window in the middle of the night and speaks of our love at the top of her lungs for EVERYONE TO HEAR. no shame. and that's how it should be.

in other news i'm having trust issues. megan understands.

oooooooh i wanna dance with somebody...i wanna feel the HEEEEAT with somebody YEAAAAAAAAAA i wanna dance with somebody...with somebody who loves me.
*older whitney housten rocks your fucking face off.*

interesting.

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 19:41:49 GMT

Life's kind of interesting right now to say the least. i feel like i'm looking for something but i have no idea what it is, i just feel empty...but alas, life goes on.

T-minus 4992...approximately. i say we go for 3859027809681490386541516147826. haha yeaaa that'd be great thanks.

Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head
And slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth
Don't be us too shy
For knowing it's no big surprise that
I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you...
A million reasons life to deny
Let's toss them away
See you & me we
Lay down, look see
She & he
By my lover's side
Together share this smile
Challenge the urge to cry
Together share this smile
...Chasing me all around, leading me all around in circles...

so the countdown is to be continued...

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 07:20:26 GMT

Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running the reins...
I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy
I should have kissed you when we were alone
What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?
Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait...

*Except I'm not a boy...you get the general idea.*

weird.

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 05:06:46 GMT

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

*live for the moment kiddos*

boo. bad form.

Sun, 30 May 2004 17:20:32 GMT

I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain. He wakes up, drives to work,
& then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color & composition so magnificent.
And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me.
Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me.
I am a waste of breath, of space, of time."
I knew a woman, she was dignified & true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied & decided the rest of her life
from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept.
What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept.
"Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next,
you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her.
She never got upset & with all the days she may have left,
she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best.
She was free to waste away alone.
Last night, my brother he got drunk & drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, "Officer! Officer! You have got the wrong man.
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And your carelessness,
it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known, your decisions are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone
on a path to debt, to loss, to shame."
The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
I love their love & I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch & see what is underneath.
It's "Sorry",just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky.
So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride.
I just sit & watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion.
The way they spin & turn & jockey for positions.
And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense.
And that their lives are one track & can't they see how it is all pointless?
But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak & suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve.
And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me.
And everything I have is trite & cheap & a waste of paint, of tape, of time.
Sometimes I park my car down by the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there is still some room left in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe & start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart & my absent God & I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved & believe in my soul...

i want monica's screg

Sat, 29 May 2004 19:37:45 GMT

monica is one hot piece of painting ass.

and there you have it...

Thu, 27 May 2004 04:05:01 GMT

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?
I've grown tired of love
You are the trouble with me
I watch you walk right by
I smile, you do not notice me
Treat me recklessly
All you do is toss me pennies out
But the silence in me is screaming
Won't you come and get me?
You make a mess of me here...

helllo long lost friend.

Wed, 26 May 2004 17:48:53 GMT

it's about time i resort back to the ol' lj.

basically i am a fool.corey corey corey you are a hypocrite. "don't waste your time thinking about someone who isn't thinking about you" for once i'm gonna have to take my own advice. ON TO THE NEXT FISH! pretty sad though...meh,life goes on.

in other news, i'm grounded for a couple days. didn't call mi padre to tell him what i was doing. suddenly he pulls out the parent card and i'm supposed to react accordingly or something.
so i have to paint some rooms in my house...what weird punishment. but that's what it is to have dad with OCD.

i missed the shins. depressing. my life is not going upward and it needs to. thanks.

Undercova G. my girls know who i'm talking about. we're going on a mission. if it fails i might just die...but! life is not life without taking risks.

the fucking perfect guy is out there waiting for me and he's so beautiful and amazing and looking for me and i'm just missing him because i'm looking in all the wrong places. that's all.

Teach me how to hardcore dance.

Sat, 01 May 2004 08:56:14 GMT

So a little shindig with a bunch of fun bands, but and a hint of red and solace were the best by far. I went into the moshpit and almost had my life taken from me. Me and Moni did a headcount and realized there were 13 amazingly beautiful boys there in tight pants. Ah, heaven. haha But seriously folks. We went to Waffle House for the first time in awhile. It was alright, nothing spectacular.

I want some love in my life. Or even just someone to like, gimmie anything, anyone, someone to chase after. Or better yet, someone to chase after me.

ryan f-ing williams you never came tonight you bitch. i'm coming after you and attacking your lankyass.

Prom.

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 03:34:52 GMT

ah, prom. afterprom sucked my soul out of my body. but everything else was amazing. i finally got to go on a carriage ride.

one thing though: i think too much and i need more sleep.

jizzrod was a cool kid and helped make the night more interesting/hilarious.

christine and moni, i love you girls. thank you for interpretive dancing with a mary poppins umbrella in the rain in front of my house this morning.

andrew you rock my socks off. keep on rockin' in the free world. thank you for being such an awesome date/guy. i'm your official fan club president.

thank you sean, quincey and petey for your magic. and your sharing of lesbionic encounters in the ol' carriage. truly inspirational.

thank you vein for stealing my life from me. i appreciate it. really.

thank you neutral colors boy for being so consistent in your style of dress.

thank you dad for letting me stay home for monday 'cause i need sleep.

the end.

sigh

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 01:37:07 GMT

Two hearts fading, like a flower
And all this waiting, for the power
For some answer, to this fire
Sinking slowly, the water’s higher
Desire

With no secrets, no obsession
This time I'm speeding with no direction
Without a reason, what is this fire?
Burning slowly, my one & only
Desire

You know me, you don't mind waiting
You just can't show me, but God I'm praying
That you'll find me & that you'll see me
That you run & never tire
Desire

Second Track: GCAOODOUDOUHAWGGKYYYE

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 02:48:03 GMT

i love megan christine and monica. like too much.

the tomatoslices/beansprout love affair/orgy will live on forever.

'Hot Sex' - go read what it says in my bowl.

"She was a skater girl, said see ya later boy, holding hands walking through the mall..."

asian talk 5000 outside megan's house for like twelve hours, i have never laughed so hard.

"Oh look, it's a little skater girl...'she said seeya later boy'..."

Sun, 18 Apr 2004 18:26:56 GMT

ah what a night. i went to battle of the bands once again. hedje and solace are neck in neck, but we all know who's gonna win. das right. then we all head out to wafflehouse - that was pointless. wendy's was bumpin' with the MV crowd so we pulled up, played a little no doubt when suddenly -

megan calls us because she's been involved in a hit and run and her car won't start back up. so it's M + Csquared = kristina to the rescue. we got six hollas from the random gentlemen driving by. "I SMELL GORGEOUS" *cat-call*. we must have looked like hookers. so we watch as megan's car is being pushed by the cop car to the side of the post office...then it's off to wreak havoc.

we had to go to kristina's so we are driving down her street when we see like seven hundred and twelve cars outside of andrew's house...so we're like "party?" - when we notice the door wide open...and being the completely rational, levelheaded girls that we are, we decide to just go inside, i mean HEY it's OPEN it must mean we're allowed to come in right? wrong. we get in there and no sound comes to my ears. just silence and darkness. 'why are there six hundred cars outside and no one inside?' i ask myself...then a light switches on and kristina screams and we run out like chickens with their heads cut off, but megan and moni stay behind like true soldiers. come to find out, megan had turned on the light, so we were safe. we decide, andrew needs to know that his door is wide open LET'S LEAVE HIM A NOTE so we go upstairs to his room but we are halted by a voice from the bottom of the stairs...it's andrew "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING...omg you're SO STUPID, THERE'S PEOPLE SLEEPING"

oops.

the feeling of shit sinks in and i'm like "ANDREW omg i'm so sorry WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD" because logically, there MUST have been a mass murder, 17 cars - silent dark house. it's only obvious. haha i really feel like crap about it so i'm incredibly sorry andrew smith.

we stop by cameron wells house to say hello and decide we love boys in tight pants. that's the first track on our EP.

then to drop off miss megan, and to first say hello to a certain kamyab who was sleeping, but we voted and survey says his hair looks really good.

all in all it was a successful night and i'd love to do it again sometime.

the battle of the bands...

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 06:20:27 GMT

so tonight was the battle o' the bands...solace rocked my socks...seriously andrew you guys made me so proud you totally were amazing and the best band there...and i even got a shoutout from my prom date which made me feel ALL SORTSA special...what hott boys, can i take you all home? that'd be great.

i'm inspired to be a rockstar. or just marry one. either way, i need a constant source of rockage in my life.

love me love me, say that you love me...

sidenote: christine CGAOOOOO and megan lightsaber we're uniting once again very soon, so do not be discouraged my sweet babooshkas, we're mcsquared for life.

those parking lot nights...

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 03:53:26 GMT

hey its been great getting to know you,
but i cannot say that i know you.
watch her move away so fast,
and fast away i fall for her.
walking in wet streets floating through a gutter
repeating words and its cold, so forgive me if i studder.
forgive me, but you return when your required, you never would have guessed i would be such a great liar.
so this is the night when you were blessed,
cut free from friends and you drowned with the rest.
*Written by a good friend*

"I just knew I wanted to change the world..."

just give me something substancial

great.

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 15:45:19 GMT

to respond to the comment given on my last entry, i wrote that BEFORE you called me to wish me a happy easter, and also i really wasn't flipping out so don't get all dramatic, thanks...i was SLEEPING when you called me that's why i didn't want to talk and you were pissass drunk, you'd do the SAME thing, another thing i don't know what you expect me to do with you living in another state, you really can't be mad...i REALLY don't feel like dealing with any of this drama right now so if we can both just get over this that'd be great...

i'm at school right now, and i'm SUPPOSED to be working so peace out assholes.

Let me guess, the strawberry topped waffle?

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 21:48:57 GMT

Last night:
Went to lunch with Smith and his parents...Played cards at Solid Grounds...flipped creamers at Waffle House...Got ditched by Smith and associates (f you)...Crying took place in Safeway parking lots...Came home and slept...Got rudely awakened by a phone call at 2 in the morning where i couldn't even understand half of what the dumbass was saying and was left with a refreshing "Fuck you Corey"...yea fuck you too.

Today:
Easter. Lunch at Tokyo Joes. Fought with mi padre. Talked to my grandparents and cried. The end.

Dude, I gotta find Jesus! I'm freaking out 'cause I can't find Jesus...holy shit, I AM JESUS! What the hell am I going to do!??!

My current music today is compliments of Kam Mohager. Rock n Roll.

In other news: my grandparents sent me $200...can i cry some more? excitement ensues.

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 16:46:11 GMT

"you're more punk, hardcore, straight edge, emo, AND indie than me. your hair is cooler. your pants are tighter. you have more tattoos. you have cooler pins on your messenger bag. your favorite band is more obscure than mine. your shoes are more vintage and so is your t-shirt. you own more black clothes than me. i don't even own a trucker cap OR a denim jacket. your glasses are thicker and blacker than mine. you know more people in bands and your black jelly bracelets are the envy of scenesters everywhere. your photography is both blacker and whiter. your scene points are double, perhaps triple, mine. because as we all know, that's what really matters. in a scene where the music has taken a backseat to the haircuts, you win and i lose."

^i read that in this guy's profile and loved it. how insanely true.

i have no desire to pursue the boys i pursue anymore. they are all not worth my time. i don't need to like someone who isn't willing to take the time to like me in return. why would i waste my time thinking about someone who never thinks about me? it's rigoddamndiculous is what it is, off with their heads - BOTH of them.

i want a perfect-for-corey boy to walk into my life...soon.

hm...

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 01:46:48 GMT

i'm sorry for being a dickhead everyone.

*Quote of the day:* "I'd be more sexual if I had my lines memorized."

I'm working on Waiting...wish me luck, ladies n' gents.

Life is short but sweet for certain

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 03:57:45 GMT

i just got off of the phone after having a two minute conversation with my mother. she apparently just doesn't have time for me "we just got home from jason's game and now i'm cooking dinner, it's patrick's favorite..." i don't really give a flying fuck what things delight patrick most, to be honest with you. it's amazing how quickly my mom can replace me and my dad, and with such effortless ease. whatever it's not like my mom was really here when she lived with us anyways, so nothing's changed.

i seriously hate fucking everyone. the end. i walk around school and just want to bash people's heads in, all those stupidass girls that are desperate to please anything/everything with a dick and base their lives on how they look and who they're friends with and what everyone else thinks about them. hi go fuck yourselves. and the guys whose lives consist of "maybe she'll suck my d" or finding the hottest girl they can get/get-with that they wear as some sort of MEDAL or fucking trophy like it's something to be proud of. congradufuckinglations genius you just got yourself a bitch as dumb as a rock who's been hit by every other guy in the school and couldn't carry a decent conversation to save her or anyone else's life, bravo. it'd be great if everyone could realize that life is more than highschool and that their "status" now won't mean shit in a couple years.

k i'm done venting about that. i have one more thing to say though and it goes like this: some people are so fucking immature. GROW THE FUCK UP. get over whatever it is that is shoved up your ass and try to be happy and let things go because soon you're going to be old, alone, and miserable and then you're just going to die. so suck it up, get over it and move on assholes because i really can't put up with it anymore.

i love monica susan stone. thank you for driving my bumass everywhere and just being there for me always, you're my boy blue.

continuing...

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 23:00:11 GMT

"Long night?...Yeaaaa. Us too."

"PORT! Port is the answer. But what is the question??"

Ok so Garage Sale mission failed, and has been postponed until next weekend. So all you crazy assholes who wanted to come steal my shit, you're gonna have to wait a week. So no sleep is quite the intoxicant. I drove to god knows where with my dad, my aunt, and my two little cousins today....I could have shot myself in the face. Seriously, I don't know why but I can't stand family outtings, they make me sick...is that bad? I just wanted to be alone and there i was crammed in this car with all these people I'm supposed to KNOW/Want-to-be-around but are like complete strangers to me if we're going to be fucking honest with ourselves here. Oh well, this morning was enough fun to make my day worth it.

Sometimes do you feel like you don't really know anyone at all?

On a sidenote: I'm really sick of these CBH bastards roaming the ranch. Get the fuck out of my life. End.